Sue Barker

I'm watching the Winter Olympics, again, because the alternatives are 'somewhat limited', as Lee Majors' agent once described his client's acting abilities. One channel offers me Trisha Goddard (who? I hear you ask) and 'Britain's Psychic Challenge' - if they're psychic, let 'em figure it out - and then there's the West Wing, which has become a good reason to amend the US Constitution to make it one term and one term alone, Mr. President, and that will be the end of your presidating. I'm quite keen to let rip on the music front, but I wish to be particularly loud, and having told the neighbours to stop playing football in their front room it might be a bit naughty to subject them to a series of Hawkwind albums, although the sonic experience that is 'Brainstorm' will not do anyone any harm, merely clear the mind for what matters, namely more Hawkwind. Anyway, figure skating is the Beeb's offering, gosh, what larks, and more of the paternalistic prattling of Barry Davies, but before that we were treated to the enthusings of Ms. Barker. Now, from once being the pin-up of British tennis, and indeed a winner of a Grand Slam tournament (on an aside here, it occurred to me last night, over dinner, that Andre Agassi has a taste for women with large noses, consider Barbra Streisand and Steffi Graf, yeah? Although I suspect it was Ms. Graf's thighs that were the winning factor there....), whilst having escaped the shadow of Steve 'Mr. Professional - what a wonderful days sport we have in store for you, smile, unctuate' Rider, Sue Barker is increasingly looking like Keith Richards. But most importantly, why have the BBC spent good money taking Steve Cram and Colin Jackson to Italy to commentate on winter sports? Why not take people who actually know what they're talking about. And why are we getting interviews with Duran Duran?

On a good note, escape from the BBC's less than perfect coverage of the Olympics - as well as Duran Duran they keep showing re-runs of TorvilleandDean in Sarajevo, rather than sport which is happening now, puts me back on the laughter trail with Larry David. Which is good. Jeez, I really empathise with that guy. Probably more than any tv character I've ever seen.